Sexual Freedom in Marriage

What is a Messianic believing couple allowed to do in sex?

All Scripture is taken from the Son Of Man Bible (SOMB, CC BY-SA 4.0), original work at door43.org.

The Bible says in Hebrews 13:4, “Let marriage be respected by everyone and the marriage bed be pure, for Yehowah will judge the sexually immoral people and adulterers.” Scripture never says what a husband and wife are or are not allowed to do sexually, so how can we know if something is sexually permissible between a husband and wife? The Bible gives us general principles regarding sex within marriage:

1. Sex is to be Yehowah-honoring — Our bodies are meant to glorify the Lord, not to be controlled by our passions and not to be used for sexual immorality: 1 Corinthians 6:12-13, ““Everything done lawfully is for me,” but not everything is beneficial. “Everything done lawfully is for me,” but I will not be mastered by any of them. 13 “Food is for the stomach, and the stomach is for food,” but Yehowah will do away with both of them. The body is not intended for sexual immorality. Instead, the body is for the Lord, and the Lord will provide for the body.” 1 Corinthians 6:20b, “Therefore, glorify Yehowah with your body, and with your spirit, which belong to Yehowah.”

2. Sex is to be exclusive — Sex is between a husband and wife only: 1 Corinthians 7:2, “But because of temptations for many immoral acts, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.”

3. Sex is to be loving and other-oriented — 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 instructs, “The husband should give to the wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 It is not the wife who has authority over her own body, it is the husband. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” Each spouse lovingly yields his or her body to the other. 4. Marital sex happens regularly — 1 Corinthians 7:5, “Do not deprive each other, except by mutual agreement and for a specific period of time. Do this, so that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer. Then you should come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 5. Marital sex unifies — Sexual intimacy unites a husband and wife (1 Corinthians 7:5) and solidifies the becoming “one flesh” aspect of marriage, not just physically but emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and in every other way. If the sexual act in question satisfies these principles, and both the husband and wife are agreeable to loving each other in that way, there is no biblical case for declaring it to be a sin. The principle of “mutual consent” applies to abstaining from sex (1 Corinthians 7:5) and to whatever is done sexually within a marriage. Neither spouse should be coerced into doing something he or she is not completely comfortable with or thinks is wrong. If a husband and wife both agree that they want to try something (e.g., oral sex, different positions, sex toys, etc.), then the Bible does not give any reason why they cannot.

There are a few things, though, that are never allowable for a married couple. The practice of “swapping,” “swinging,” or “bringing in an extra” (threesomes, foursomes, etc.; including polyamory) is adultery, Galatians 5:19, “Now the works of the sinful nature are evident: adultery, sexual immorality, impurity (Lev. 11; Deut. 14; 2 Cor. 6:17-18), lustfulness.”; Ephesians 5:3, “But there must not be even a suggestion among you of sexual immorality or any kind of impurity, or of greed, for these are improper for set-apart adherents.” Colossians 3:5, “Put to death, then, the members that are on earth, sexual immorality, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and greed, which is idolatry.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3, “For this is the will of Yehowah, your sanctification, that you avoid sexual immorality.” Adultery is sin even if one’s spouse allows, approves, or even participates in it (includes polyamory).

Viewing pornography is another practice that should be off-limits for a married couple. Porn appeals to the “lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes” and is therefore condemned by Yehowah. 1 John 2:16, “For everything that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the arrogance of life, is not from the Father but is from the world.” Scripture provides great freedom in the bedroom for a husband and wife. As long as a married couple’s sexual practices are Yehowah-honoring, exclusive, loving, other-oriented, unifying, and mutually agreed upon, they carry Yehowah’s blessing.